Someone once told me that when he was a young child he was afraid
of monsters coming into his house. So,
one time he asked his mother, “what should I do if a monster comes to our
door?” She answered him, somewhat
jokingly, “invite him in and offer him a cup of tea in the kitchen”.
What this mother was teaching her son was that sometimes it’s
better to face our fears, invite them in and normalize them, rather than
running from them. And if we do that, we
might even find there is something to learn from them.
Each year, as we read Parshas Bechukosai, there is at least some
level of apprehension. And that, of
course, is related to the central theme of this parsha, the tochacha, the
stinging rebuke. No one wants that Aliyah. The baal korei reads it quietly. It’s the monster that we don’t want to
address.
It is a shocking, prophetic tale of what will happen if we don’t
listen to Hashem’s mitzvos, along with the rewards for our commitment to a life
of Torah.
And while it can be uncomfortable to discuss, I believe there is a lot
to learn from this section of the Torah.
And Chazal believed the same.
In fact, the gemara in Megillah 31b tells us that Ezra
established a practice that we always read parshas bechukosai, and the
tochacha, before Shavuos. And many of
the mefarshim are perplexed:
*I understand, it makes sense to read the tochacha before Tisha
B’Av, maybe even before Yom Kippur. But
what did Chazal see in the Tochacha that made it an appropriate PREPARATION for
the Yom Tov of Shavuos?
One of my students in yeshiva, and now an up-and-coming Rabbi
Dov Fink, related to me this week that he thought we could answer this
question with an approach recently taught by President of Yeshiva University,
Rabbi Dr. Ari Berman.
We are told at the end of the Tochacha, after all of the gloom and
doom:
(מב)
וְזָכַרְתִּי אֶת בְּרִיתִי יַעֲקוֹב וְאַף אֶת בְּרִיתִי יִצְחָק וְאַף אֶת
בְּרִיתִי אַבְרָהָם אֶזְכֹּר וְהָאָרֶץ אֶזְכֹּר:
And I will remember the covenant of Yaakov, and the covenant of
Yitzchak, and even the covenant of Avraham I will remember, and I will remember
the land.
But what is the nature of this Bris? It is brought out by a gemara in Shabbos
88a. There, the gemara records a
conversation between Rava and a certain heretic:
Rava was completely engrossed in
Torah study, and this tzeduki confronts him and criticizes him:
“Hai ama peziza! You come from
such an impulsive nation!
Most people, when they are made an
offer, they consider the costs and benefits, they ask questions, they
investigate. But when Hashem came to Am
Yisrael and offered you the Torah, you say na’aseh v’nishma! You agreed
to accept the torah before you even knew what was in it!
Rava looks up calmly and he
responds:
אנן דסגינן בשלימותא
We follow Hashem with Shleimus.
And Rashi explains Rava as
follows:
התהלכנו עמו בתום לב, כדרך העושים
מאהבה וסמכנו עליו שלא יטעננו בדבר שלא נוכל לעמוד בו.
We follow Hashem with our whole
hearts, out of love, and we rely on Him, trusting that He would
never steer us towards a commitment we couldn’t handle.
Back in January, Rabbi Dr. Berman was invited to speak at Brigham
Young University. They were having a
forum on the topic of faith-based education, and he presented the following
idea,
And this interaction between Rava
and the Tzeduki represents two models of relationships that Rabbi Dr. Berman
discussed at BYU:
1. The Consumer Relationship
2. The Covenantal Relationship
Sy Syms, as many of you know, was
not only the namesake of the business school at Yeshiva University, but well
before that he was the owner of his own clothing store, SYMS. Mr. Syms used to star in the commercials for
the store, with a line that became synonymous with his brand: “An Educated
Consumer is Our Best Customer”.
In the CONSUMER RELATIONSHIP, prior to making ANY DECISION one
conducts research, compares the service they are considering with other similar
ones. One considers the cost vs. benefit
of the purchase. The more educated the
decision one makes, typically, the better a customer we are. Because in the consumer relationship, the
fundamental question that is being asked is, “How do I stand to benefit?”
The COVENANTAL RELATIONSHIP, however, is entirely different. It is not a one-way transaction based on what
I WILL GET, it is a union of two individuals who commit one to the other. It is most naturally seen in the form of a
marriage, and that is why chazal use marriage as the symbol of that covenantal
relationship between Am Yisrael and HKBH. And the essential element of that
relationship, of course, is NOT the benefit one receives from it, but rather
the COMMITMENT I MAKE TO IT.
I’m sure many of you saw the iconic photo taken on Thursday in
Rehovot:
The photo was taken by 34-year-old Lee-Aviv Dedon. Together with
her husband, their baby, and their 4-year-old son Yair, she was driving through
Rehovot when suddenly they heard an air raid siren. The panicked parents began
to take out the baby, and meanwhile, the other door got stuck. 4 year-old Yair
could not get out, but finally it opened and he ran to hide alone. The parents were
caught behind him but they were out of time so they, together with their baby,
hid. Terrified about where her other
child was, Lee-Aviv looked up, and then she saw a sight that brought her to
tears: Two soldiers were passing by when the siren went off, and when they saw
4 year-old Yair running, instead of looking for shelter, they shieled him with
their bodies.
This type of heroic act is based on a relationship that is NOT
transactional. A relationship that does
NOT ask, what do I get? But rather from
a relationship that asks how can I show my commitment to someone else? How can I give, share, and even sacrifice
myself for someone else?
But there’s more. Because not only is the entire framework of these
two types of relationships different, but the payoff, the meaning that is drawn
from them is entirely different as well.
As Dr. Berman himself pointed out:
“Relationships, unlike purchases, are something that evolve and
deepen — they are created together. A purchase is unilateral.
If a car doesn’t meet your specifications, it will not serve
your purposes, so you return it. But marriage is covenantal. It’s not about
objects but relationships, and it requires leaps of faith.”
The consumer model values detailed knowledge, metrics, research
and analytics while covenant values faith, empathy, loyalty, curiosity and
discovery. In being a consumer, there is very little risk while being in
a covenant there is vulnerability, uncertainty and risk.
“But [because of that], the upside is different as well,”. “The
consumer [model] is only transactional, the covenantal [model] is
transformational.”
Yes, it can be more challenging to be the one who does the extra
carpool run even when it isn’t our turn or the one who buys a small gift just
because, but the consequence is so incredibly deep and rich.
And so, too, in our covenantal relationship with Hashem: When we
stretch ourselves to shlep to a minyan even when we’re exhausted, when we
decide to commit ourselves to a halacha that is really hard for us, the
consequence then, too, can be so deep and so powerful.
Because it is in those moments that we show that we value the
relationship more than we value our personal comfort.
And with this, we can answer our original question: Why did Ezra feel it was so important for all
of Am Yisrael to read the tochacha every year before Shavuos?
Because the tochacha is a reminder of how special our relationship
can be with HKBH if we remember that our relationship with Him is NOT
transactional, it is COVENENTAL. As He
states, “V’Zacharti Es Brisi” I will
remember My Commitment to you.
And Shavuos is that moment when the bris, that covenant between
Bnei Yisrael and HKBH was formed. It was
the moment when Am Yisrael were offered the opportunity to join HKBH in
literally transforming the course of history and bringing a new model of
relationship to the world.
And it was on that day that Bnei Yisrael showed HKBH that we
UNDERSTOOD THE MODEL. We didn’t ask,
“what’s in it for me?” We said, “we’re
in…together with You!” Naaseh V’Nishma!
The Tochacha is a reminder of just how TRANSFORMATIVE our
relationship with Hashem can be, if we recognize the type of relationship it is
supposed to be.
So, only a couple of weeks from Shavuos, we are reminded to not be
afraid of the monster that is the tochacha, but to let him in, and to look him
in the eye. To see the beauty of a
relationship built not on consumerism but on the covenant we share with Hashem
and with each other, and to take comfort in knowing that if we’re ready to
commit, the relationship can be transformative.