Yaakov is all alone. Vayivaser
Yaakov L’Vado. It is the night before his meeting with Esav, Yaakov becomes separated
from his family, and at that moment, Vayeaveik Ish Imo, an individual, a man,
some say an angel, encounters Yaakov, and they fight until dawn. Why is
Yaakov by himself? And why does he need
to fight with this individual?
The Seforno explains that Yaakov was simply moving items from place
to place within his camp and he was the last one, cleaning up and making sure every
last item was accounted for. It is at that moment that the Ish finds him, and
he is forced to fight with him until the morning.
Rashbam writes that Yaakov wasn’t simply moving items from place to
place, he was moving his ENTIRE CAMP, because he intended to flee, to run away before
encountering his brother. And what does Hashem do? At the moment that Yaakov is
left alone he sends the Saro Shel Esav, Esav’s guardian angel to fight with
Yaakov, so that Yaakov can’t run. So
that he’ll be forced to come face-to-face with his brother. So that he’ll be
able to reconcile with him once and for all. But I want to share with you a
third, very different perspective on this pasuk.
A number of years ago, Natan Sharansky was addressing a Jewish
group and was offering a dvar Torah on this week’s parsha, Vayishlach. And
Sharansky took this pasuk and said, homiletically, that we say “maaseh avos siman
labanim”, that which happens to the Avos is symbolic of what will later happen
to their children in the future.
And what does the word “Vayivater” come from? The word L’Vater, to give in, to be
someone who is willing to let go, give up on your rights, give up on your
personal honor at times. And said Natan Sharansky, a lament, that it’s
unfortunate that it has become true about not just Yaakov Avinu, but Am Yisrael: Vayivaser Yaakov L’Vado. The only nation that is expected to be a
VATRAN, a nation that gives up on our rights, to let things go, are the Jewish
People. We can be attacked over and over. Rockets can be raining down on our homes, and the world says, “Yisrael,
be mivater! Let it go! Show restraint!” Vayivaser Yaakov L’Vado.
And while this may be a true, but lamentable perspective on the
status of the Jewish People in the world, my good friend Rabbi Philip
Moskowitz took this idea and turned it on its head. Because the truth is,
that while as a Nation we should never be vatranim, we should never give up on
our rights to self-defense and self-determination, when it comes to our relationships
with others, we should be PROUD that Vayivaser Yaakov L’vado, that we are
unique in our ability to LET THINGS GO.
The Gemara in Taanis 25b tells the story of a time when there
was a terrible drought, and they would gather the entire community into streets.
And they needed a shliach tzibbur. Someone respected by the entire community to lead the tefillos. So Rebbi Eliezer, the greatest talmid chacham
of the generation, stood up as the shliach tzibbur and he said 24 brachos, as
they would in Shemone Esrei on a fast day. He davened so passionately and beautifully,
yet there was no answer. So they tried again, and they called up Rebbi Akiva,
and he said: Hashem, we have no King
other than You! For your sake have mercy
on us! And immediately, it began to rain!
Immediately, everyone began discussing: “why was Rebbi Akiva
answered and not R’ Eliezer?” Suddenly a
Bas Kol, a heavenly voice came out from shamayim and declared: It isn’t because
either of the two is greater than the other when it comes to Torah learning or
any other area. Rather, when Rebbi Eliezer is attacked by someone, when someone
treats him with disrespect, he fires back. However, Rebbi Akiva is maavir al midosav. When someone attacks him, when someone treats
him with disrespect, he lets it go.
The gemara is clear: Yes, while as a Nation we must be stubborn and
steadfast never to be mivater, to never give in to our enemies. When it comes to our relationships with
others, there may be no more powerful mida than to be a MIVATER, someone who
lets things go.
And this response from Shamayim should come as no surprise. As the
Gemara in Rosh Hashana 17b teaches in the name of Rava: “Whoever
is easygoing and lets things go when wronged by others, his or her sins are let
go as well. As the pasuk says: “Hashem
carries the burden of our sins and passes by our mistakes.” For whom does Hashem carry the burden of our
sins? For those who allow the mistakes of others to pass by them!” Vayivaser
Yaakov l’vado – Yes, it is a unique trait that we have, to let things go. And
it is a value about which we should be extraordinarily proud.
Last year, Rav Yisrael Meir Lau, the former Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi of
Israel was asked to speak on zoom and give chizuk and inspiration to a
gathering of Bar Mitzvah Boys who were missing out on their Bar Mitzvah because
of COVID. At that time, he told the story of his own Bar Mitzvah. It was parshas
Shlach, and young Yisrael Meir gets up to lain and sees Reb Moishe, the regular
Baal Korei standing up as well.
“Where are you going?” asks
Moishe. “What do you mean? It’s my bar
mitzvah,” said Yisrael Meir. With this,
Reb Moishe responds “No one told me! I
prepared the whole week to lain!” And
then he continued, “you know, they really abuse me in this shul! Week after
week I lain, and they don’t even tell me when there is a bar mitzvah boy!”
At that moment, young Yisrael Meir did something extraordinary. He
said, “Reb Moishe, I am a young boy, and I will have many more opportunities to
lain parshas Shlach. Why don’t you lain
this morning!”
And Rabbi Lau then said the following to this group of boys: “I think
this was the first mitzvah that I observed. Not the mitzvah of reading the Torah for the community, but a much more
important mitzvah: The mitzvah of being mivater, of giving up something important
to me for another person. I saw a Jew in
anguish, a Jew whose entire honor and pleasure in this world depended on the
reading of the Torah in an overflowing synagogue. And boys, let me tell you something:
when we are mivater, when we give something up for someone else, we never ever
lose.”
And while this approach to Vayivaser Yaakov L’Vado is certainly homiletical,
it actually fits beautifully with our earlier explanations as well. Because why
was Yaakov left “all alone”? To fight with an angel? Yes, but really, as Rav Soloveitchik writes, Yaakov
needed to do battle with himself.
Yaakov had spent so many years of his life running from difficulties
in his relationships with others. He had tricked his father, his brother, and his
father-in-law. In each and every difficult scenario, instead of dealing with members
of his family directly, he ran in the other direction. And this was finally the moment for him to
address them head on, to be willing to struggle within himself to make shalom
with even the most difficult people in his life. And that Vayivaser, that need
to be left alone to consider his path forward would, of course, require him
being Mivater, being willing to be flexible, and even to let things go.
We find ourselves on the precipice of two weeks in which many of us
will have the opportunity to interact with family and friends. And there could
no be a better preparation for those upcoming events than to take a moment to consider
the lesson of “Vayivaser Yaakov L’vado”, to sit alone for a little, to consider
the relationships in our lives that matter most, and to be willing to let go.